You know you are marrying the right person when you have mastered these 10 features of a successful relationship.
Keeping with our ‘Nearly and Newly Weds’ theme, our guest blogger this week is Relationship and Divorce Coach, Kimberlee Sweeney.
Through her coaching, Kimberlee has developed unique insights into relationships and shares wise words of wisdom for those couples embarking on life together.
You both understand and get each other’s sense of humour – If you have a wonderful sense of humour, you need a partner that not only likes and gets your humour but one who has a similar sense of humour too. Someone who brings out the best in you, and perks you up when you are low, someone that can laugh with you, at you and make you laugh at yourself. If you don’t have much of a sense of humour then my advice is don’t choose someone who does. Quite frankly, it will all end in eye rolling and discontent.
You both are able to listen to one another and let each other feel heard in all aspects of the relationship – Open and honest communication is very important and having a partner that you feel comfortable talking about anything with and one who willingly takes the time to listen to what you have to say. This not only allows you to get to know each other on a deep level but also gets you through the toughest of times, when you know you are being heard, supported and are communicating together openly without judgement or manipulations.
Accepting of each other for who you are – Don’t be thinking they will change. Accept each other, quirks and all. If there are red flags then think twice now, as if you can’t love them for all their greatness and quirks, warts and all, then you could be setting yourself up to fail. Nobody wants to fail at marriage, so take the time to figure out if you can wholeheartedly fall in love with them just as they are.
Your core values align – What are your most important core values? Honesty, trust, religion, dependability, positivity, motivation, fitness, education and so on. Do you have similar values and core beliefs? This is quite vital. If you are unsure of your core values ask yourself what brings you the most joy, and what couldn’t you live without? What gives your life meaning and what do you want to achieve in life? Often our core values are instilled in us from our up-bringing.
Finances – Do you both have a healthy relationship with money? Are you on the same page when it comes to money and your financial future? If not, consider seeking financial advice from a money expert and try and align your money values. The last thing you want in a marriage is constant disagreement around money matters. So, if you see red flags around financial issues book an appointment with a money expert like Lynda Moore at Money Mentalist and align your money values for a healthier financial future sooner rather than later.
Are you both on the same page about children – Don’t just assume you are, talk about it now, discuss how you both see life parenting children? Do you both actually really want children? Ask the hard questions now before you find yourself there in the midst of child rearing on quite different wave lengths.
- Do you see yourself having kids one day? How many do you think?
- Do you want one of you to be full time parent at home with the children?
- Do you see both of you continuing with your chosen career paths when you do have children? Whose career would possibly have to take a backseat? How will the house hold chores and child rearing duties be shared and are you both on the same page when it comes to what life will look like once you have children?
You’re still dating and romancing each other? – Things in this department shouldn’t stop just because you are now engaged or married. Continuing to have date nights is vital for any long term relationship to go the distance. Keeping the love alive and all that. Even once you have children this is even more important to put the time aside and have some quality time together to reconnect and remember what you love and cherish about each other and why you fell in love in the first place.
Once you have children you can come up with all sorts of excuses, but no matter how tired you are or how poor you are, this is a very important step. If you can’t find a babysitter then feed the kids early and get them to bed and have a romantic dinner for two at home.
Even if you have access to a sitter, go for a romantic walk along the beach with a picnic and bottle of wine and sit and chat and enjoy each other’s company. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, it’s about quality time to connect and enjoy each other. Weekly, fortnightly or monthly at the least, no longer. Don’t cancel, have turns at making it happen. Book it in now and never, never stop dating each other.
YOU time, ME time, WE time – For any romantic relationship to be a long term healthy relationship we all need a little of each of these in our weeks/months.
- YOU time = doing things with others outside of the relationship i.e. girls catch-ups/male bonding. Individual sports groups, group hobbies, etc.
- ME time = Alone time with yourself doing what you want to do without feeling hassled or guilty for it. This does not mean work, things like play station, yoga classes, a massage, a run some self-care.
- WE time = Quality time together, showing mutual love, respect, trust and appreciation, along with good communication to allow a strong connection ongoing. Date nights etc.
If you do not allow all three of these things in your relationship week to week, one or both of you could become resentful and withdrawn. Don’t let yourself get lost in your partners world, keep yourself and your passion for your own life interests alive and when you do have WE time you have so much more to talk about.
To be able to have healthy YOU and ME time there must be mutual trust and respect for each other’s space, without letting jealously or resentment seep in.
Praise and appreciation – Does you partner appreciate everything you do and praise you and do you praise and appreciate them? This is a great way to show you not only love each other, but that you appreciate the little things too, dishes done, house clean, to the bigger things like being a supportive partner or a good listening ear at the end of a hard day. Always show gratitude and appreciate, in words and cuddles, for who they are and what they do, as often as you can. Don’t let this slide. We all need to hear how much we are loved and appreciated.
Finally, a piece of advice….each day and every day for the rest of your lives together – Wake up every day and cuddle for at least 5 minutes. Just lay in bed together and appreciate the closeness, the intimacy and remember ever day all the reasons why you love this person. If intimacy has been lacking of late, I would highly recommend you start each day with a 5 minute hug and see what develops as the days go by (just a hug now). AND when leaving each other for the day try the six second kiss….. it’s amazing what a kiss can do to set you each up for the day, off out the door thinking happy loving thoughts. It only takes five minutes and six seconds each morning to keep that spark alive. Forever together!
If you would like some individual coaching to help you work on your relationship or you just want to have a chat, you can contact me here.