I want to talk about and plan our money, but my partner doesn’t!
Are you feeling nagged or hounded by your partner about money? It can be very frustrating for you both when one of you wants to talk about money and the other one doesn’t.
Here are a few reasons that this can happen and what you can do about it.
- You have different Money Personalities and you just don’t know it. Differing money personalities have different requirements in terms of how much and in what way they want to talk about and plan their finances.
Hoarders (a money personality type) for example, love to plan and want to know what is going on financially. While an Avoider is the exact opposite, they don’t want to know and are happy to trust you to do the right thing.
The solution: Take our Money Personality quiz so you have a better understanding of how you both behave with money so you can communicate in a way that works for you both.
- One of you feels as if they are being blamed, or picked on when it comes to money. So they just don’t want to talk about or plan because they don’t feel their input will be valued anyway.
The Solution: Once you understand each other’s Money Personality you can start to communicate in a different way. Money is emotional, so you need to be very aware of the language you use and the way you communicate in terms of tone when you are having a money conversation. Learning effective communication techniques is the key.
- Your Partner ‘doesn’t understand the numbers’ so doesn’t want to participate. Not all of us are into spreadsheets and tracking every cent that we spend. It may work really well for you, but your Partner feels they don’t understand the system and it just doesn’t work for them. It’s easier to opt out and not participate than feel as if they are ‘dumb’ because they just don’t get what you are showing them or talking about.
The Solution: Look at other options. There are plenty of other software tools that can help you manage your money without being complicated. Try the ‘bucket’ system where you have different accounts for different types of saving and spending. The numbers person can set the system up and monitor and the non-number cruncher can feel part of the process by checking that the bucket has funds.
- You are miles apart from what you want your financial future to look like. You feel as if you can’t even get on the same page when it comes to the basic day-to-day money management, let alone planning for your future.
The solution: We come into our relationships with money stories (habits) from our past. These stories come from our parents and past relationships. As a couple, being able to talk about and understand those money stories from your past will help you rewrite a new story for your relationship.
- “He wants to control everything” or, “She wants to spend everything.” Welcome to the world of gender and stereotype differences! Yes, men and women are different in most things and money is no different. The ‘Hunter Gatherer’ of our forebears is alive and well today.
The solution: Identify which stereotypes and gender differences are impacting your relationship in a negative way, and which ones you have turned on their heads and are causing angst and you aren’t sure why. It may be an underlying gender difference or stereotype that is causing you grief.
Sometimes it is difficult
It shouldn’t come as any surprise that we find it hard to talk about money. Sigmund Freud noted that people find it easier to talk about sex than discuss money.
Even within relationships money is a taboo subject. If you want to be financially successful as a couple, you need to break down those barriers and get the money conversations out into the open.
This isn’t easy and for many couples doing this by themselves is just too hard. That is where money coaches and mentors like us can help.
We can guide you through the process in a caring, sensitive and loving way. At the end of the process you have a much clearer understanding of how to work to your financial strengths rather than arguing about your weaknesses.
The result is a much happier life.